The Perils of Gun Ownership?

by | Jul 22, 2000

1. Ted Kennedy, Rosie O’Donnell, Charles Schumer, and Barbara Boxer strongly denounce private gun ownership. However, their bodyguards carry: A. Toy guns with trigger locks B. A tape recorded message that says “Boo!” C. CandyD. Slingshots E. Very heavy purses 2. You and your baby daughter are awakened in the middle of the night by […]

1. Ted Kennedy, Rosie O’Donnell, Charles Schumer, and Barbara Boxer strongly denounce private gun ownership. However, their bodyguards carry:

A. Toy guns with trigger locks
B. A tape recorded message that says “Boo!”
C. Candy
D. Slingshots
E. Very heavy purses

2. You and your baby daughter are awakened in the middle of the night by your estranged, abusive ex-husband. Although you have a restraining order against him, he is drunk and beats down your front door with a crowbar screaming, “If I can’t have you, nobody can!”. Unfortunately, after watching Rosie you have turned over your gun. You should:

A. Call Rosie and ask her to take your place.
B. Call 911, and tell them that they should arrive within 6 seconds.
C. Threaten legal action by promising to call your lawyer in the morning.
D. Grab a ping-pong paddle.
E. Reason with him (maybe he was an abused child).


3. Since 1987, 34 states have enacted concealed carry laws. Violent crime decreased in these states and the anticipated “Dodge City” mayhem never materialized. Even critics were surprised. Concealed carry laws succeeded because:

A. Sunspot activity decreased after 1987.
B. Trigger locks rendered guns of potential victims inoperative and therefore safe.
C. Sarah Brady scared the crooks away.
D. A wave of pacifism swept over the hearts of criminals in these 34 states.
E. Janet Reno said that crime should stop.


4. Schools, churches, subways, and restaurants are sites for gun crimes, but rarely military bases, police stations, or shooting clubs. The reason for this is because:

A. The targets aren’t sitting or kneeling.
B. Medicare benefits are lost if you shoot a soldier.
C. You can’t enter an army base without those cool bumper stickers.
D. Schools don’t threaten to punish felons with detention hall.
E. Janet Reno said that crime should stop in military bases, police stations and shooting clubs, but not in schools, churches, and subways.


5. Logic, reason, and common sense:

A. Are irrelevant if they contradict your feelings.
B. Should not apply to firearms because this would be politically incorrect.
C. Defy opinion polls the source of all truth in a democracy.
D. Pale beside the enlightened opinions of anti-gun celebrities (i.e., movie stars, talk-show hosts and pop-singers).
E. Are outdated concepts by “Eurocentric” professors and “Uncle Toms.”


6. Every dictator always disarms his victims, before beginning to annihilate freedom loving people. The reason for this is because:

A. Guns commit crimes, accidents, and suicides. In their spare time guns also run marathons and write books.
B. The latest studies funded by “public-interest” (i.e., left-wing) groups prove that guns cause crime–and global warming too! Some studies indicate the guns also cause hurricanes and earthquakes.
C. Making sure that her family is defenseless is the only way that a mother can demonstrate real love for her children.
D. This will make the folks at the United Nations happy, so long as the guns are turned over to a “peacekeeper” like Arafat.
E. Janet Reno said that crime should stop.

The views expressed above represent those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of the editors and publishers of Capitalism Magazine. Capitalism Magazine sometimes publishes articles we disagree with because we think the article provides information, or a contrasting point of view, that may be of value to our readers.

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